Already a singer-songwriter, author, musical theatre performer and politician, James Gordon can add one more item to his resume: Roots Music Canada columnist. He periodically shares some entertaining stories with us from his lengthy career in the arts.
In little Palmerston, ON, they spend much of their time arguing over whether the first syllable of Palmerston rhymes with “bomb” or with “spam.”
I was the after-dinner entertainment for the Lionesses Dinner – just me and a room full of boisterous farmwives in the spacious Fire Hall banquet room. The head Lioness had told them that they were getting a stripper, so the ladies were all disappointed when I made my entrance.
They were all drinking a lot and smoking a lot and ignoring me mostly.
They had a bunch of door prizes to give away, so they asked me to help with this between songs.
During the songs they whooped and hollered and paid no attention, but as soon as each song was done they were hushed and reverent as I drew the next prize number. One soused old lady spilled some really bad red wine on her really bad floral-print dress and asked me if I would come and lick it off.
Then things changed. I started experimenting with my set list to see what would perk up their ears.
‘Five Penis Wine’ did the trick nicely.
About half of them actually listened to it. This half laughed a lot – and they insisted that I sing it again right away so that the other half could hear it. They all listened to my remaining songs, each time insisting that I repeat them again when I completed them.
I finished my set. I packed up and slipped out without a single Lioness even noticing that I was gone.