How do you describe the Kubasonics? How ’bout with this recipe?
Newfoundland’s Ukrainian treasures The Kubasonics are gearing up for their tour finale this Saturday at the Rockhouse in St. John’s.
If you’ve ever been to a Kubasonics show, you know what to expect and can stop reading this article now!
But if you haven’t yet experienced the Kubasonics, brace yourself for a sweaty time as you balter your way through the night.
Seriously. This band is a party in a can. I mean, not your average Warholian can. A very large and oddly-shaped can. Unstackable. A can that contains a tsymbaly. And a drum kit. And a piano accordion. And spicy fiddle, bass, and guitar licks. A can of veritable musical soup, if we throw a rubber chicken in there too!
Along with music, food is arguably the most important aspect of Ukrainian culture. When I caught up with Kubasonics lead singer Brian Cherwick and the other members of the band at Summerfolk this year, they sat down and gave me their secret recipe to the perfect “Kubasonic Soup”.
- 2 cups beets (accordion)
- 3 quarts broth (drums)
- ¾ cup meat (bass)
- ½ cup carrots (guitar)
- 2 cups hot pepper (fiddle)
- 1 cup garlic (tsymbaly)
- 1 bunch of cilantro (bagpipes)
- As much salt as you can muster (singing)
- In a medium to large-sized venue, begin roasting the beets. Make sure the beets are turned to 11 and that the entire range is audible.
- Slowly add the meat and broth. Raise the temperature in the room to bring the broth to a rolling boil.
- Add shredded carrots. Stir frequently.
- Press the roasted beets and transfer to the broth.
- Add hot pepper and simmer gently. (Optional: add the hot pepper at the same time as the carrot).
- Sprinkle in salt at will. A little here, a little there. You may also give friends fistfuls of salt to add as they see fit. If the soup gets too salty, add more broth. It is not advisable to ingest the salt without the rest of the ingredients. Cover partially and reduce heat.
- Do not add the cilantro. Wave it around just so people know you have it. Discard.
- Using a trapezoidal cutting board, finely chop your garlic with vigour and add it to the boiling pot. Increase heat.
Note: This should be cooked as fast as possible, on high energy, and as close to 3 a.m. as possible. Estimated cooking time: three minutes, 30 seconds. It is recommended that you travel to a remote village in Western Ukraine and get Brian’s uncle to crawl into his root cellar and get you a drink while you are cooking. Going that extra mile will ensure you are making truly authentic Kubasonic Soup. Kubasonic Soup is best enjoyed with friends.